夾心‧上海

last goodbyes

Never thought about I will have to leave like this. Im overwhelmed with emotions of fear, sorrow and attachment. Parents gave me a call four days ago saying my paternal grandma is critically ill in Shanghai. I couldnt stop crying at that moment. As the oldest child who was raised by grandma till 10 yrs old, I wasnt able to accept this. Im so close to my grandma that I've made a quick decision to leave and be right beside her. I dont wanna live with a regret for the rest of my life. The nite I received the call, I couldnt manage to sleep. I woke up so early to change my air ticket to Shanghai instead and went to the Chinese Embassy afterwards. Initially I had no chance to tell friends here that Im gonna leave very soon. I was too sad to say anything and too busy packing to contact people.

I've been always grateful to have such good friends here. One of them came to my place straightaway from work when he knew the story about my grandma. We chatted a lot. But when it was about time to say goodbye, I saw tears in his eyes. I will never forget what he said to me. A friend knows I hardly have appetite when I extremely feel upset. Surprisingly, he bought me lots of food from the restaurant and delivered to my place. Girls told me they dont wanna say goodbye or they will cry. I really dunno what else I can do for them to deeply appreciate their kindness.

I have to finalize everything in four days. On Thursday morning I went to uni to return books borrowed from my supervisor. She looked so happy when I turned up and gave me my marking sheet of that 10,000 words project with high distinction rating. Im not a school freak. The work isnt worth that high of feedback. I will take this as her positive encouragement to my future. She even dropped tears when she knew that Im leaving soon becus of my grandma. She treats me from the heart. There's no one word can well express my feeling.

I will leave on Sun morning with heaps of hugs. Dunno when to go back Taiwan. Just letting you know Im fine. All I need is time to release my sadness and be stronger without a tear when seeing my grandma.